


How Do Countries Complain? - Canada

by Shikushou



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Canada's poem, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-18
Updated: 2016-10-18
Packaged: 2018-05-21 13:10:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6052801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shikushou/pseuds/Shikushou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Have you ever wondered what a country would complain about? I did, so I came up with short poems/stories of these countries and what they would say to other countries involved with them. This first story in the series is Canada. Canada, with the help of the strong-willed Prussia, is fighting against the countries of the world in hopes of taking revenge for his centuries of suffering in the shadows and reviving the once great Prussia. Will he succeed? How will he do it? That is for me to know and for you to find out . . .</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Canada vs. Past

I remember being taken over by England  
Frere France weeping from the loss.  
I never really made much noise because I was a small land  
And speaking out made England cross.  
It was scary to be forgotten one day,  
I never believed it to be true,  
But I suffered from being shunned by the world  
Which made me lose interest, mon dieu.  
Then came the wars  
Both World War I and II.  
I gathered my army  
and sent in some troops.  
Of course, all my men have died without justice upon them  
for I am Canada who is easily forgotten.

Don’t you know that I am the second largest country?  
With great mountains, valleys, and rivers aplenty?  
Is ignorance of my superiority a great accomplishment?  
Look at your environment!  
You are all sadists!  
That’s a world-doom requirement.

America, you always try to take over me.  
The War of 1812 was real and pure agony.  
Don’t be surprised when I kicked your ass  
And sent you back to finish your inhumane acts.  
My free health care beats you and your defense crap.  
Your enslavement of the blacks was unbearably evil  
Which contradicts your wish to be the hero.  
The way you poke your nose in everyone’s business  
Has made many civilians begging for Jesus.  
You send bombs to countries without any shame.  
The death of many people in history has your name!

Now, England, I see that you want and seek power.  
Of course!  
You were once the great British Empire,  
But there is one thing that you have forgotten.  
You may think you run me,  
But I will never cower.  
“Cross your legs, hold your tongue, and never gulp your tea.”  
I defy you by turning the other cheek.  
My language is French, and G*D don’t you know it.  
You might have broken frere,  
But I have not yet spoken.  
Your torturous ways  
And your pirating days.  
They were your symbols of strength  
And struck into me fear and more pain.  
When America left you,  
You cried in shame.  
Seeing you in the rain, too,  
Made my day.

Hello Frere France,  
‘Tis your son Mattieu.  
Si’l vous plait, just let me continue.  
I thought you were my father  
And loved me, so  
I was really shocked when you let me go.  
Do you know that I still speak French?  
The language never left.  
No matter how much England tried  
It just changed instead.  
I wept a little when I saw your war.  
Your own people revolted  
Against the thrown.  
The depression sank in  
And your economy gone.  
Can you believe that it was all some cake’s fault?

Cuba, thank you for trying to be my friend.  
You too, Russia, for being right at my hand.  
Although you were communist and  
An enemy to the US,  
You have supported me in the worst and the best.  
Of course, there were times that Cuba has hurt me.  
Russia as well, since he was a conquering country.  
That’s all in the past and relations are well.  
Things are great so far,  
Hopefully, in the future it still will.

South Korea, hello!  
Can you see me?  
We have made many trades  
And you make great company.  
I invest in you and you invest in me.  
I believe in you and you believe in me.  
Together, we give economy a new meaning.

What the hell did you say?  
Are you ignoring me still?  
I have no reason to stay  
In this G*D forsaken hell!  
Since I have spoken my mind  
And released all the burden,  
I will wait 'till the day I am wise and certain.  
World domination will ensue.  
You will be one with Canada,  
Canada will not be one with you!  
Wait for me, those who still do not see me.  
I have broken records just for sharp-shooting!  
Watch out for my strength since Canada is rising.  
Once I am at the top  
ALL WILL RECOGNIZE ME!

“Dude, what did you say? I couldn’t hear you, bro.” 

“Who are you talking to, dim wit? There is no fairy there?”

“Where is my Mattieu? He has been skipping meetings! I blame this on you, England!”

“Shut up, Frog.”

“BLAME THE DAMN COMMUNISTS! My poor corrupted little bro!”

Prussia comes in from the corner and wraps his arms around Canada’s shoulders. He turns Canada’s head into his chest and Prussia places his chin on his head, rubbing Canada’s trembling back. 

“Shh, Birdie. I am here.”

“I swear in the name of G*D that I will take over the world. Just wait.”

“I know, Birdie. I know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wrote this on a spur of the moment. Please don't correct me on a historical basis since most of this is wrong! Also, I will give cookies to all those who press kudos.
> 
> *places cookies by kudos button
> 
> I am planning on writing a Prussia x Canada story, so the end was kind of fun for me to write. I was in a bad mood while writing this, so please forgive this weird story. Honestly, right now I can relate to Canada's feelings. Or what I say is his feelings.


	2. This Is The Plan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Canada reveals his plan of World Domination. 
> 
> This chapter is sucky as ever, but the next chapters will be a little more interesting. 
> 
> *munches on cookie
> 
> He-He-He!

“Ahem! I think that the world conference can convene. Solving everyone’s problems as we discuss them, we will one day reach world peace!”

Bullshit. World peace could kiss my ass. How can the world be peaceful when a bunch of oblivious dim wits think that just because they were once a great power, they can stick their noses in our business. They don’t do that to me, but that is because it seems like they don’t even consider me a country.

“Mein G*tt! Can none of you run a proper meeting!? Five minutes per speeches and absolutely no interrupting others!”

Prussia sat there next to his brother holding his injured hand. It has been a week now and that dog bite should have healed by now. We could blame the UN and Hitler for that. He has been ignored recently and we have come to understand each other. 

“Big brother. Let’s get married. Then, all of you will be mine!” Belarus could be really scary contradictory to her mother-hen of a sister.

Russia backs up into the wall and curses in Russian. “Leave me alone, sister! You are sick! A psychopath! You belong in an asylum! GET AWAY!” His eyes began tearing up.

Meanwhile, Switzerland sat next to Lichtenstein, a gun threatening all who came near. 

“If you come near me, I won’t blow out your brains because you coming near me shows that you have none.” Switzerland pointed the gun straight at Finland.

Finland cowered as Sweden came over and plucked him off the ground, sending a glare at Switzerland’s way. Lichtenstein held his hand and looked at Switzerland with watery eyes and a scared expression. An argument then ensues.

On the other side of the room, Denmark was desperately trying desperately to speak with his family members. I remember that he had a fear of being alone and his family separating. Norway just sits there and looks right through me. Of course, he didn’t notice me. 

Every weakness of every country, I take note of. I am a people watcher after all. Since no one notices me, they don’t see me enter their secret meetings or listening in on private conversations. I had a notebook full of weakness on each country planning my world domination. No one would see it coming just as they don’t see me.

My plan just needed one more thing: A partner. 

After WW2, Prussia was dissolved as a country. The UN thought that Hitler’s actions was due to the Prussian culture. What attracted me was his sheer stubbornness to stay. That shows that he still has loyalty towards his country.

Lately, he has been acting very intimate with me, holding me when I cry, sitting me on his lap whenever I am reading. I am a romantic. After all, my father is France.

I decided that I had enough of the meeting and decided to leave. I saw Prussia get up and come after me.

“How’s it going, Birdie? You finally done with all the preparations?” 

“Oui, but how are you feeling? We are taking over France and Spain, you know. Are you okay?”

Prussia pulled me into an embrace and placed a kiss at my forehead.

“Anything for my Birdie.”

My cheeks heated up and I stared into his eyes, flustered. One hand covered my forehead and another was at his chest, grasping his shirt.

He smirked. “See, Birdie, I am glad no one sees you. They would eat you up in seconds with your half-lidded eyes and you holding onto my shirt for dear life. It is too hot! Only the awesome me is allowed to see you like this, liebling. Ja?”

I nodded. The plan was to put Prussia’s return into action as soon as possible. He is healing at a dangerously slow rate. 

First, we take down the big guys. The ones with large land. I will start with Russia, America, China, France, The UK, and Spain. I will take out each large country, one by one, in secret, if possible. 

Prussia will work on Germany, Japan, Spain and other threatening countries like Switzerland and Korea. As much as Korea is beneficial to my plan, I have frozen all of my emotions for others. It is a damned deterrent. 

Then, in a final battle, Prussia and I will watch at the sidelines as the countries slaughter each other thinking that their allies have been demolished by the other side. The last ones standing will be taken out by my troops. Prussia will be revived and I will have my revenge on all those who have ignored me. 

We only had limited time left, so the plan must start now.

Let’s visit Russia’s house first. That menacing man who sits on me everyday deserves a little something!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, here it is! I had to write something to introduce the whole "World-Domination" thing so that it doesn't sound weird. 
> 
> Don't run away! I have cookies!
> 
> *crowd stops running
> 
> *crowd takes look back
> 
> I'll give you all of these cookies if you stay for the next chapter at least!
> 
> If you have any ideas about how you want Russia to be "taken over" I will look at it. Remember, the Canada I am writing about is thin and feminine. Prussia is still egotistical, but he supports Canada and is always with him. This meaning that Canada cannot and will not rape anyone or any country. I will look through other ideas, if you have any. To all those who contribute: I will give cookies and dedicate the next chapter to the person that gives an idea I will use. 
> 
> See you next chapter!
> 
> I look forward to it . . .


	3. Sleeping pills

Deep breaths, deep breaths. If you stress about this, you will fail, Canada! 

I picked up the phone and dialed Russia’s number. It took three rings until the phone was picked up. Of course, the protective Russia would never say the first word.

“Mr. Russia? I-It’s Canada.”

“Matvey? What is up? Have you finally decided to become one with me?” I shivered. Only he could say the most creepiest things with the voice of a child. 

“L-let’s leave that discussion for another time, e-eh? How a-about tomorrow? Y-you could c-come by my p-p-place.” Way to go, Mattie. Your stuttering will cost you the entire plan!

The line went silent for a minute before Russia answered with a ‘yes’. So far so good . . . 

Now, for the vodka. I’ll probably need a lot since the gigantic being consumes the drink like it’s water. I don’t have vodka, will maple beer do?

“Yo, bro, wazzup?” Ugh. No. Not NOW! 

I pretended to not be as annoyed as I felt and walked towards the front door. Hesitating, I reached towards the doorknob and slowly pushed the door open. Yeah, that doesn’t “fly” with Alfred. 

“Why are you so slow, man?” America pushed open the door and I was flung across the hallway.

“Mattie? Mattie!?” Idiot . . . 

I pulled myself up enough so that I could lay back on my elbows. The carpet was pulled off of the wooden floor and my hair was a mess. 

“What are you doing here, Alfred? I really don’t have the time. Si vous plait, leave.” The only one I can seriously talk to without stuttering too much is America. I beat his ass once, I can beat it again! Except in baseball. 

Just as I was about to push Al out the door, the doorbell rang and my heart skipped a beat.

“Al, you have got to leave. NOW!”

“Why? I want to play, too!” And, with that, America ran to the door and flung it open.

“What the f*ck! Who invited this chunk of commie mountain here!?” WIth that said, my fate was sealed. I will haunt you even after your death, you nosy American piece of sh*t . . . 

“Hello, comrade. Glad to see you so cooperative. You staying at Matvey’s and all.” The malice behind his words were carried on a black-aura carpet, but didn’t seem to be aimed at me. That’s a surprise.

“I don’t need a damn commie to taint my little bro. Go be one with Belarus, or something. She seems more than willing.”

At that name, Russia shivered and quickly recovered his calm posture. Then, grabbing America by his collar, he lifted him off the ground.

“Never, and I mean NEVER, speak her name . . . or you will find out what I am truly capable of.”

This is getting out of hand . . . what to do . . . 

“Arret!” Where did that voice come from? Who knows?

“Why not we do something fun? A competition! Uhm, maybe you guys can drink all of my maple beer and whoever lasts the longest wins!” Quick thinking, Canada! Two birds with one stone!

“Maple beer? Are you kidding, little bro? I could beat this bastard any day!” America went off into the living room to rant about his winning streak in whatever game it was.

Russia watched America leave and then turned his head towards me. It looked as if he was thinking of something. I wonder what it could be . . . did he find out my plan? Panic rose from the pits of my stomach and my breathing became fast paced. 

“Matvey, what happens to the winner? What is the prize?” Russia’s eyes showed slight amusement, but I could tell that amusement wasn’t going to be fun for me.

“What do you want? I-I don’t h-have much.” Damn it! My stuttering!

“Matvey . . . become one with me if I win. There will be no objections if I win. Understood?”

I nodded and scurried into the kitchen. Russia walked into the living room with America. I could tell by the sound of Russia’s angry laughter and America’s yelling. I quickly grabbed the beer bottles and placed them on the table. I took out two strong sleeping pills that I used to use during WW2. Two large nations were in my living room, so about 4-5 pills might knock them out. I placed 5 pills into each glass and poured the maple beer into the glasses. I took the rest of the beer bottles and placed them in a crate. I might look weak, but I am pretty strong!

I carried the crate and the tray with the two cups of “bed-time” into the living room.

“H-here’s the b-beer. I’ll leave them on the table, so help yourselves.”

Russia took a long and hard look at the two glasses and peeked at me through the corner of his eyes. America, however, took a glass and chugged down the contents. If he passes out now, I am so screwed!

Instead, America opened a bottle with his hand and drank it all in one gulp.

“I am going to win, you commie bastard! Suck on that!” America continued opening a third one.

Seeming to have lost his suspicion, Russia grabbed the glass and took it like a shot. I win . . . 

The two nations continued to drink more and more, with America singing as he chugged down the liquid and Russia silently opening more and more bottles as he kept drinking. Soon enough, America went down, face first on the table.

“I don’t admit defeat, as*hole! Just give me a sec-” America went down snoring.

Russia looked up at me. I couldn’t tell if he was still sober or too drunk.

“Matvey, I know you did something. But, I will forgive you if you tell me what you did and become one with me. Otherwise, be prepared to be conquered in the most merciless way . . .” The last sentence he spoke with had such menace, I thought that maybe he was immune to sleeping pills and would kill me in 5 minutes. But, contrary to my belief, Russia took one last deep breath before he leaned back and slept. His breathing deepened even further indicating he was asleep.

I did it. I really did it! I felt both scared and excited. I ran towards the phone down the hall and dialed Prussia’s number.

“Hello?” Oh, hearing his voice was such a relief.

“Prussia! I did it! I took out America and Russia together!”

“Wai- huh? You WHAT!? YOU KILLED THEM!?” I heard the panic.

“No, they are just sleeping. I put sleeping pills in their drink. I don’t know if medicine works with alcohol, but they are sleeping! Where should I bring them?”

“Where are you?”

“I’m at home”

“Stay there, I am coming to get you. We will take them in my house. I have a concrete basement they can stay in.”

And, with that, the first two nations were all set. How many more left? Subtract 2 from 196 and . . . 194? 194 COUNTRIES LEFT! This is going to be a pain, but worth a shot. Already took out the two of the greatest powers. Our plan is working just fine . . . for now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here you go! Finally got something done! Writers block . . . 
> 
> I need a cookie . . .
> 
> See you next chapter!
> 
> I look forward to it . . .


	4. What Happened to Russia and America in Reality?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter, we saw how Russia and America are taken down in one swoop through Canada's drug-in-alcohol trick. Now we can see what Canada did to the actual land masses. 
> 
> Basically, just a summary of what happened last chapter in a realistic way.
> 
> Just letting you all know, most of this is fiction. I fail at non-fiction, but I tried to make it sound real. Please, PLEASE do not make the mistake of using this stuff for assignments . . . I did and the grade is not something I'm proud of *gulps*.

It’s the year 2014 and I grew a pair,  
I declared war on Russia for the Arctic air.  
The oil equivalent to Saudi Arabian reservoirs  
America, get out of the way.  
Excuse Toi!

I am battling the Russian forces, leading my men  
To a victorious outcome, my winter wonderland!

At first, I proposed to bring in sanctions  
Against “Mother Russia”  
Yes, the Eurasian nation.  
Of course, Germany and Europe disagreed,  
So I just went ahead and did as I pleased.

Under America’s name, I put Russia to shame  
I kicked the chair from under his feet  
And watched him hang!  
Europe looked at America with hatred and pain  
My job is easy now.  
All that’s left is the land to gain!

Ding-Dong

Here they come, the countries of the Soviet Union  
This is the beginning.  
I’m screwing both America and Russia over!  
This is not the time to feel guilty.  
I’ll perfect the plan and set up my new team.  
I mark the lands that I took on my map  
And then I’ll let off steam.

Knowing Prussia, he can grow strong.  
Just with a little land, he’ll help me rule them all.  
I’m not giving up,  
Not after gaining this much land and power.  
I’m looking forward to the strong countries  
Fearing me and cower.  
There goes Russia and America is down,   
Now several more countries ‘till the whole world is out!

I drove to Prussia's house and he helped me bring the gigantic men inside the house. My hands shook from the excitement of actually starting the plan and the fear of being unable to complete it. There is only one choice: finish what we started.

Prussia carried the men down into the basement and locked the iron door. From what Prussia told me, the basement was his "man-cave" so I don't think they will be having the worst time. I just hope there's enough space to hold the other countries. 

"Birdie, what do you want to do next? Surely you aren't planning to stuff all the countries in my basement, right? There must be another way."

I nodded. "I do have a plan. I will make the countries part of my "conquering" team. They won't have a choice and have to abide by my rules and orders. Like the previous Soviet Union countries. Lithuania, Estonia, Latvia, and Ukraine are now part of Canada. American colonies will be set free. If I find any of the countries under my ruling a hazard, I will promptly tighten the leash I have on them. Easy. I can feel the power surge already."

And that wasn't a lie. I felt myself grow, both in confidence and physically. My body was growing larger and stronger. This was great! Prussia looked at me with a painful smile.

"I don't want you hurting yourself, liebling. This thing you are doing is dangerous. I did agree with you before, but now I am worried that you are changing too fast."

I stood, frozen in place. My eyes widened as I contemplated what Gilbert said. Too much. He said I was doing too much. Going overboard with my revenge scheme. Stupid. I knew I couldn't trust anyone. I knew it.

"Thanks. Yeah, you're right. I shouldn't drag you into my pain. You are different, after all." And, with that, I swiftly walked up to Prussia and kissed him gently on the lips. His eyes widened in surprise before leaning into the kiss and slowly caressing my hair. 

While we kissed, I slipped the capsule I hid in my mouth into Prussia's and he pulled away. But, it was too late. He had swallowed the pill. I slid to the ground and felt the tears stinging my eyes. Prussia looked at me with eyes that asked 'why'. I shook my head.

"I can't afford to lose you. You will get hurt if you follow through with my plan. I'm sorry. I'm so sor-" I couldn't finish. That is when I started crying. Bawling my eyes out and clutching my shoulders, Prussia knelt next to me and held me in an embrace.

"Whenever you wake up from this nightmare, I will wait for you. I promise that I will never betray you. I will wai-" And he stopped. His head fell against my shoulder and I could make out silent snores. I wiped the tears after crying for a few more minutes. 

I guess love is painful, after all. That is why I must postpone our relationship. I need to take over more countries in order to have enough land for Prussia and to quench my thirst for revenge. 

With my new surge of power, I picked up Prussia (who was still as large af) and took him to the basement with the others. I did not chain him up, though. I couldn't. Now, my resolve is stronger than ever before. I need to conquer more countries in less time, and that meant that I must commence part two: taking the countries of Soviet Union and America's colonies. I need a team to take over countries, so they will have to do, for now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey . . . sorry for not updating in, like, half a year. FORGIVE ME. Not that I am giving you a choice . . . just kidding.
> 
> I have recently been having weird ups and downs in my emotions and I have been depressed for several months, thus the break from writing. My writing may become darker due to this, but I will try to keep my work consistent, if possible.
> 
> I have been writing off the top of my head the entire time, but I now have a plan. I know what I am going to do and how this is going to end, so I will try to write more often. Thanks to all those who press kudos and boost my confidence of -4% to a 25%! I owe you all! 
> 
> Pressing the 'kudos' button is not mandatory, but, if you do, I will be encourage to write more and may show my face more often (not literally . . . ). Also, I love constructive criticism, so, if you have any, please let me know in the comment section! I would be ever so grateful!
> 
> See you next chapter! 
> 
> I look forward to it.


End file.
